yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
