Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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