Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
