Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
