the day after is always just damage control
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
