we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
