So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
