My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
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I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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