Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
