I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
