his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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