You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
