that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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