I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MIDGETS
????
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
