and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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