Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
