He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you would pick up someone in the library
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
