"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
