Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
