i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize