Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
