I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
