She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
