nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
