just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
