Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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