Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
