My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
