she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
