yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
