The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
