Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
