i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
