whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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