we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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