did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
whose parrot is this?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
