you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
