i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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