we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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