How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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