Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
