I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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