you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
