Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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