Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
