Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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