i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
