My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
