We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
