Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
