My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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