Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
