i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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