my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
