I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
