Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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