I think my vagina is haunted
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
