It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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