I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
