It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
bring money and cleavage
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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