whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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