the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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