don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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