Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
