Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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