I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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