It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
