Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
