are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
