i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
