Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
