Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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