My Higher Power is John Stamos
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still have a little drunk in my system
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
