How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
