i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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